November 2010
You walked away from someone who never left your side.
I guess it’s not so much the heights as it is the fall.
I don’t even know you, yet somehow you knew.
You made it sound quite simple, and I’ve been trying so hard.
Trapped is what describes it and it’s not very appealing.
Trapped inside myself. I’ve been longing to get out.
I have been trying for years,
and most recently, weeks to break these barriers down.
The ones that have kept me guarded and tense.
Invisible walls surround me at every angle making sure I don’t feel.
I do feel. I feel good. I feel guilty. I feel touch again. I’ve missed it.
I want to feel more and I know it’s out there just waiting for me.
I’ve been told how easy and with such simplicity to just go for it.
Love with everything I have to who I have while I still have it and them.
Because things change and if I don’t jump now I might miss it all.
You did sound intelligent and logical enough. It made sense.
Even as my thoughts were screaming Way Too Soon.
Call it a leap of faith and the fear might begin to subside.
Not fully. I’m terrified of heights.
Any jump, physical, mental or emotional, is going to take immense courage.
I guess it’s not so much the heights as it is the fall.
This one is on the higher point, and I fall hard.
I’m expecting to hit hard too, and know it’s very possible I won’t be caught.
Lacking knowledge of how to escape has been slowing my pace.
Someone to break me down and rid me of my fears.
It’s been so long since I’ve broken down.
Go figure, I’m afraid to.
Coach me how and I’ll do my best.
And I insist on completion of the task; giving up is never an option.